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"If they're inconsistent from the beginning then why do you think they'll start being consistent once they become committed to you? Stop dating on potential. Stop dating with the intention of changing them - either accept the person as they are or FIND SOMEONE BETTER."
-Elaine Acheampong, your fav. Holistic Weight Loss and Life Coach.
For the majority of people, when they first start chatting to someone they're interested in (for whatever purpose - long term or "short term" 😉), they usually want to express the "best version" of themselves.
The problem here is that some people put out a fake version of themselves to attract a partner.
When playing a role to attract someone, a person can only wear the mask for so long before it will fall off and their TRUE nature is shown. If someone is 'just absolutely amazing' and almost perfect for you when you first started chatting but they seem completely different or distant now, that would be a red flag, darling.🚩🚫
Now, please keep in mind that all humans will have their good and bad days, and how we behave on those days shows our true nature and personality. Life happens to all of us and different situations affect us in a variety of ways. For example, it would be understandable if someone becomes different after losing a very close family member - their change of character could be temporary or permanent.
Inconsistent behaviour is when they either no longer act and behave the way that they used to (from hot to cold) or your relationship isn't progressing forward at all (stays lukewarm).
What inconsistent behaviour can look like:
Periods of time when they text/call/see you loads and then go completely quiet/ghosting,
Not keeping their promises to you,
Canceling plans last minute with no valid/serious reason,
Talks of having a future with you but won't commit to an exclusive relationship,
Not respecting your boundaries but expects you to respect theirs,
Lying - to you or to anyone else,
Gaslighting you and making you doubt yourself.
If you're still reading this article, then I imagine, that just like me, you have a tendency to make excuses for their shitty behaviour. If there's only one thing you take away from this article, I'd like it to be the following sentence:
"Effort is a direct reflection of interest."
If they were truly interested in you, their actions would prove it on a regular basis. There would be consistency in your relationship with them.
Consistency = stability, predictability & trust. You're more likely to feel at ease and able to open up to someone who you know is reliable and safe to trust. Even on a subconscious level, dealing with a person that is inconsistent in any context will give you the feeling that they are not trustworthy.
It's not fair to hold a person to expectations that you want from them. It's like someone saying to you, "I'd love to be in a committed relationship with you, but you're too overweight/ not confident enough/ too short". You would feel that's unfair because if they loved you, then those statements wouldn't matter, right?
It's the same when you do that for someone else. If you are still hanging around them and waiting for them to change (either to what they used to be, what they promise they will be or to an "ideal version" that only you see within them) you are only wasting your time and energy.
No person on this planet deserves to beg for the bare minimum to have a healthy relationship with someone else.
If he becomes distant, then give him the space he wants and continue living your best life. If she doesn't make the effort to see/speak to you on a regular basis, that shows how she's not interested in having you in her life. Respect what they show you because that's the reality.
There are billions of people in this world and holding onto a "half-ass maybe" takes away your opportunity to meet your "oh, hell yes!".