How to Start Your Self-Love Journey | Self-Love for Beginners

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Self-love and self-care are hot topics across all social media platforms lately and, in theory, it sounds totally glamourous and luxurious. Besides spa days, binge-watching series all weekend or indulging in your favourite take-out, what exactly is self-love?

Is it another trend to get you to spend too much money, or is it the missing link to a happier and more satisfied version of you?


Self-love is "a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth."¹ It means changing the negative perspective of yourself to be in a better light than you currently do and treating yourself as such. You're not doing too bad for a spiritual being having a human experience, okay?

Practising self-love isn't always as charming as the Gram will have you believe. It is a choice you make every day. The choice to dive deep within and meet needs you discovered were never fully recognized or satisfied as a child. People-pleasing and perfectionism are typical outcomes of not having needs met as a child.

Signs you should consider adding self-care to your daily life:

  • People-pleasing tendencies

  • Extreme perfectionism

  • Lack of boundaries

  • Low self-esteem/ lacking confidence

  • Difficulty with forgiveness - for yourself and others

  • Struggle with acceptance - of yourself, your life situations and others

  • Unable to listen to whispers of your body's needs and wants

  • All-work-and-no-play mentality

  • Staying in commitments (situations, relationships, jobs, etc.) which are draining and add no value

  • Settling for the bare minimum

If you relate to these points above, we suggest building a self-care routine that includes:

1. Accepting the things you love and don't love about yourself - they can coexist

It is well-known that you can be your own worst critic. Add this to the pressure of curated social media standards and expectations of what we, and our lives, should look like, and it's no wonder so many of us find it easy to turn towards self-deprecation tendencies.

Show yourself some love and compassion by no longer rejecting parts of yourself. Showing hate to yourself serves no purpose.

If you hate that you are always late, then it's possible to work on your time management. However, if you wish your nose was smaller or your eyes a different colour, it's possible to change it with expensive surgeries.


The cheaper and more sustaining option is for you to accept the facts - that is just who you are. No amount of self-hatred will change it, so why waste your energy?

Gift yourself the priceless experience of inner peace. Create harmony with unconditional love for all of who you are - inside and out.

2. Setting your boundaries and reasserting them when challenged.

Knowing your boundaries is all about knowing your limitations. Everyone has different limits, so it's a matter of trial and error to find what serves you best. When you've reached your limit with a person or situation, you will know within you as you wholeheartedly believe "enough is enough!".


Without boundaries, you can give your time, energy, money, and even your possessions to benefit others until you have nothing left to give. This is not a healthy way of life.

Creating boundaries and supporting them is a way to protect your kind heart and mental health. It shows the universe and those around you how you expect to be approached and respected. If anyone, or a situation, intimidates your boundaries, be confident to walk away from what is not willing to respect you fully.

3. Being kind, gentle and compassionate with yourself on days when you don't feel like you love yourself


Genuine love is not only a feeling but an active skill that requires practice. The perfect training ground for this is on days when you don't necessarily feel like loving yourself.

Your mental state and emotions can regularly fluctuate for many reasons, which include your hormones, stress levels, a bad day and being overwhelmed. When you find yourself in this situation, do your best to find 5-10 reasons to be grateful for yourself.

There may not always be a reason why you're not in the mood to honour yourself on some days, but those are the days when you're inner child needs it most. You're paired with yourself for the rest of your life on this Earth - so make it easier by working with yourself and not against yourself.


Don't get me wrong, your self-care routine can absolutely include lush bubble baths with a glass of wine (or two), a sushi splurge or a new outfit with matching accessories, but don't forget the real reason behind every self-care activity: to fill up your own cup (spiritually, mentally and emotionally) by showing yourself kindness, love and appreciation.

💚What does your self-care routine include?

💚Which of the points mentioned above will you add to your routine, and how?

💚Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.💚

Do you struggle with showing yourself love and compassion? Are you unsure how to set boundaries in your work environment, love life or personal life? Book your consultation call today to receive one-to-one guidance and support with Elaine.

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Written by: Andrea Thelen of AuthenticAndrea44